Today I'm on a war path and it's only 12:29 am. I think for quite a while I've been bottling up lots of feelings and as of now I quit. The boy and I have a not healthy relationship but last weekend we had what I thought to be a meaningful and insightful conversation regarding Dyl and how we want to proceed in the future. And then he pissed me off today prompting me to send him the following email:
I have been giving a lot of thought to what I asked you last weekend and how you never replied. I figure you haven't responded because Dylan isn't a priority to you- she never has been and never will be. Even though you haven't put that into words, you actions up until this point speak volumes. I feel like you'll never view me in anything but a negative light even though I've tried up until this point to make this as painless as possible for you. Maybe I was wrong for that. Maybe instead of telling you I'd be open to a modification in the beginning I should have been asking why you weren't doing anything in the order. You received a modification and still aren't following the order. I'm attaching the child support spreadsheet I've been keeping. If you'll recall, the order indicated that as of August you were not only supposed to be making your monthly payment but paying down the arrears as well. The order was signed nine months ago. The monthly support due to date (not including the arrears) is $8,303.13. When you add the arrears that you were to have paid down by now that number becomes $10,103.13. You've paid $1,750 and have yet to visit once. That's 17% of the support due. And you haven't procured health insurance, and you haven't obtained life insurance. I asked if you moved as it is stated in the order that I will be notified promptly if your address changes. I asked about life changes as you are supposed to have visitation in Arkansas with Dylan when she turns 4 under the current order, it would be nice to know where that would take place and who else would be involved with my child on a regular basis.
You are obviously not taking the order, Dylan, or me seriously. You work everyday and pay your other bills, I'm sure. You contribute to your mother's household upkeep and if you've moved I doubt you're living for free. I'm not sure why you don't treat this like any other obligation you have but you don't. There are a few options available to us at this point. I have a meeting with an attorney on Monday that I set up well before finding out that you had a new job. I am meeting with him to discuss a modification and contempt charges. I attached the order and redline changes I intend to discuss with him. Here are some of the proposed changes- no joint custody, visitation to be determined by me, no deviation as you have not adhered to the visitation schedule. No guardianship to you if something happens to me- I want to know that Dylan will be with her family that loves her, an income deduction order as well. Hopefully you will be amenable to these changes. It is my goal to not file the contempt motion if the rest of these changes can take affect. At this point it is not my intention to modify the amount of support due, but if you don't want to discuss the changes that I am proposing, we can revisit that as well. I imagine that at your new job you're making more than you did at your old one. In addition to the contempt order, the attorney suggested contacting the AR bar to have your license suspended. AR Code allows for that to happen outside of the OCSE. I don't want to see that happen if it can be avoided. I'm not sure if you intend to have Miriam continue to represent you or if she'll accept service on your behalf. I'm being upfront about this so you don't feel like I was trying to blindside you, much like you did me.
I know you typically delete my emails without reading them but I'd like some sort or response from you before my appointment Monday at 10:00. If you don't weigh in The modification will be filed with all proposed changes as well as a request to recalculate the support along with the contempt motion. I really hate that this is what the situation has come to but you haven't left me with many options. And since your relationship with Dylan always hinges off of your hatred for me, I doubt we'll see you for her recital or anything else.
I welcome your input and am certainly open to any changes you would like to see made. Before you argue that the court isn't likely to give me sole custody and support remember that the language in the first order did just that. Even though we agreed on the changes reflected in this order it is not uncommon for judges to rule that way and the argument that you shouldn't have to pay if you don't have custody won't fly in GA. You have joint custody now and haven't weighed in on a single parenting decision to date.
There are plenty of choice words I wanted to throw in there but as I save all electronic correspondence between us I opted not to. Why are some people such awful parents? He isn't a bad person, he's just a bad father. And maybe I'm a bad mother for allowing it to go on for so long. And I've decided I hate his mother. Here are just a few of the stupid things she's said:
- why does Dyl have your last name? I insist that you change it. If you don't people will think she's the result on incest!
-"I love you more than your mommy and daddy do" was said to Dyl in my presence
-You seem high strung, do you need a Xanax?
-this one is paraprhrased- the boy shouldn't have to pay his child support. As a mother it is up to you and your family to provide for her. You should be grateful for whatever he does. Do you need child support because you don't work? Are you looking for him to take care of you?
If she calles me regarding the message I sent to him, I will tell her about herself. I've been biting my tongue for so long, no more. She made herself the third person in our relationship a long time ago and I should have stopped it when it happened. Better late than never.
Okay, I'm off to bed. I'm going to come up with something happy to write about soon :)
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