Craps

I'm going to look into more kid friendly crafts to do with Dyl. Most of our "craps" involve me doing all of the crafting and Dyl sorting materials for me and eating them. I think its because I have a thing for hot glue guns and she obviously can't have one yet. And even when she can she can't have mine, I might get a holster for it or commission Bow-issa to make me a girly one. I think Dyl and I will take a trip to Hobby Lobby and I will let her fill the cart with things that she wants to play with. That will be her reward for getting rid of some toys. We need to do some pre-spring cleaning around here and her toy boxes need to have some purging done. I think I'm a hoarder and I really don't want to pass that on to her.

Also, not sure how many of you know we are working on breaking our co-sleeping habit. I never intended to let her sleep in my bed. From day one I said I'd never co sleep and when she wouldn't latch on and I was forced to pump like a cow multiple times a day there really wasn't a reason for her to be in my bed. That lasted for the first 10-11 months. Then she started cutting molars and I held her one night and we fell asleep. After that she'd start out the night in her bed and migrate to mine which turned into not even getting in her bed to begin with. The past two nights she's gone to sleep around 8:30 in her bed and sleeps there until 4 or so. I'm hoping that she's well on her way to staying in there all night. Baby steps.

If you can suggest some kid friendly art projects and crafts or websites that cater to this sort of thing, Dyl and I would both appreciate it.

Today

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother's death. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. Her life. Her death. I remember everything surrounding the last couple of days. The tears, the whispered phone calls, taking it upon myself to inform other family members. Everything. And while all of the these memories are painful, I have also been thinking alot about myself. Would she be proud of me? Disappointed in me? My Nana always wanted to be around when I had a baby. She would always ask when I was going to have a baby. I'd respond by saying I didn't have a husband, I was in school, and that I wasn't wild about kids. My original due date with Dyl was December 29. Immediately upon hearing that I smiled and felt that in some way my Nana had a hand in this (as opposed to blaming Ortho Tri-cyclin light).

Even though it's not the new year yet, I feel its appropriate to take stock of my life and make some changes/resolutions. Last year I lost about 45-50 lbs. This coming year I must maintain my weight loss. I've learned that I like to walk/jog/run. It feels like the only "me time" I get during the day. My goal will be to hit 20 miles a week. Maybe I'll get some of those Reebok fit pants to make my butt look perky.

I want to become a better mother. I love Dyl more than anything in the world. But sometimes I find myself being short with her or more stern than necessary because of things going on with me. And every time this happens I'm racked with guilt. Even more so when she still comes to hug me and kiss me and says, "I love you too much." My goal is to take a step back and just enjoy her more.

That's it- Be skinny and be a good mom. Now your turn

Merry Christmas

Christmas is a bittersweet day for me. My grandmother passed away on December 29, 2006. The last day that I saw her alive was on Christmas day. The following year I had a brand new baby so there was cause for celebration tinged with sadness. I think every year that follows will feel the same way.

This morning Dyl woke up around 9. I told her that Santa had been to the house. She found a piece of Laffy Taffy next to my bed on the night stand. She held it up to the heavens and yelled, "Oh thank you Santa!" a few times. I told her that Santa wasn't responsible for the piece of taffy that she was clinging to but that he had left her something in the living room. There were no less than 25 boxes wrapped under the tree for her. She looked at them and told me that Santa had not come.

I made it a point to not put anything under the tree before last night so I was confused as to how she couldn't tell that he had come. After sitting her down and opening plenty of gifts she got the gist of Santa. She offered to write him a thank you note.

Even though I wasn't all gung-ho about it I called her father and his family to wish them a merry Christmas. I spoke to his mom, aunts, uncles, etc. When the phone was being delivered to him the signal conveniently faded. No call back. I sent him a text message letting him know that Dyl wanted to talk to him But I'd wait for him to call her. He said Ok. No phone call. Several hours later I sent him an additional text message letting him know I was about to put her to bed so he should call her soon. No phone call. This is yet another reminder of how he views his role in Dyl's life. I already know that the reason I bought her so many toys this year was to make up for the fact that it's just me. And all she wanted was Laffy taffy and a phone call.

Some things we shouldn't say as moms

Being a mom means putting yourself on the back burner. It means putting the needs of your child before your own. This is something I have gladly done and would do over and over again if I had to for my child. But these concessions don't only come in the relationship you have with your child. They are in every other relationship you have because all of those relationships affect the one you have with your child. After compromising for the sake of my child, I am sitting here reflecting. I feel like I've lost so much of myself in the past three years. That's not necessarily bad- there are certainly parts of my life I was glad to leave in the past. However, compromising so much for the sake of my child has led to me compromising myself. Doing and agreeng to things that I would have never done or agreed to in the past. I was told by a friend of mine that I am too involved in my child's life. I'm not quite sure how that's even possible since she's not even three yet; but her life is my life and maybe I need something else so that I don't go crazy.