I took Dyl to the pediatric opthamologist on Monday and was thrilled to learn the health of her eyes is great. The doctor said that her vision in one eye was 20/30 and 20/50 in the other eye which is no surprise since I'm as blind as a bat. He said that even though the difference wasn't major without corrective intervention one eye (the stronger eye) could become the dominant eye making the other one lazy and allowing the vision to get worse. When I asked about the lazy eye he said it wasn't something that would be visible to me ( I was worried she'd be cock-eyed or something) and that she didn't need a patch or anything. It was his recommendation that I consider getting glasses for her but if I didn't that was fine too. He said that I could come back in 6 months for another appt to see if the vision had changed but I assured him that I would get the glasses now. He said that since she was so young it is entirely possible that the other eye can get stronger and they will balance out meaning she won't have to wear glasses forever.
When we left Dyl told me that she wanted contracts so that she could wear sunglasses. I told her that was a no go but I'd find her some hot Prada frames (half way joking) so we are off to look at glasses for her this weekend.
Last Friday I turned 30 which was bittersweet. I had this whole list of things to check off by the time I turned 30 and I have fallen short. I'm going to use that to motivate myself to do more. But I realize that being a mom (which wasn't on my list) is the most important, frustrating, but ultimately rewarding thing I've ever done.
I also got flowers, cupcakes and a little blue box with the Garden Dragonfly Pendant that I've been eyeing forever. Its weird that the person who lavishes the most gifts on me is Dyl's dad and we are no longer together. Its hard to love someone so much but to know that you are not good for each other. And every time I feel like I've flushed him from my system he pops up again. We are in a perpetual one step forward, two steps back pattern. We met in 2001 and have been in this pattern for that many years. It seems like we've both dated other people but always end up back together but when we reconnect we never address why we parted ways before. Our problems are the elephant in the room that never get discussed. I always think that as we grow older things will be different but its always more of the same. When its good, its great, amazing even. When its bad, its awful.
Having been alone for the better part of a year, its nice to know that he still thinks of me though. I'm off to search for Prada toddler frames.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A busy and stressful few days
This week was Dyl's three year check up. She weighed 28.9 lbs and was 38" tall. She had on a heavy sweater dress so the doctor said it could be off by about 1 to 1.5 lbs. Her weight was in the 30th percentile and height was in the 71st percentile. We talked about what would happen so she did a great job.
Now for the not so hot part. When the doctor checked her eyes he said he noticed her red reflex was slightly uneven. I blurted to Gigi (Dyl's grandma) that Dyl would have to wear a patch. She said I was overly dramatic. The doctor suggested I take her to a pediatric opthamologist for further testing in the next few months and that we come back in 3 months for a weight check. She got 2 shots and a pink sucker and we were on our way.
I got home and went on google to figure out what the red reflex was. The doctor didn't really explain what it was other than how her eyes respond to light. He mentioned that a lot of parents notice it when they take flash pictures, one eye looks more red than the other or looks white. I take tons of pictures of Dyl and have never noticed anything. He said it was slight and tried to downplay it. Google/the internet in general is both a gift and a curse. As soon as I started searching I saw that it could be nothing, a cataract, or cancer. That freaked me out so I started calling the opthamologists on the list he gave me.
Dyl has her appointment on Jan 17, I made it yesterday. They scared me even more by saying we have one appt at 7:00 on Wednesday, are you sure you want to wait until the following Monday (like it was 20 years from now). The Scottish Rite hospital where the office is is (I always feel weird typing is is) at least an hour from home. Doing that for a 7:00 appt going into Atlanta is not a good idea. So I stuck with Wednesday even though I'm going to be stressed until then.
Oh, I also took like 50 pictures of Dyl with the camera right in her face. I told one of my friends what I was doing and she asked if I noticed anything in her eyes. I told her I saw anger, lots of anger from having the camera that close to her face. Keep us in your prayers.
Now for the not so hot part. When the doctor checked her eyes he said he noticed her red reflex was slightly uneven. I blurted to Gigi (Dyl's grandma) that Dyl would have to wear a patch. She said I was overly dramatic. The doctor suggested I take her to a pediatric opthamologist for further testing in the next few months and that we come back in 3 months for a weight check. She got 2 shots and a pink sucker and we were on our way.
I got home and went on google to figure out what the red reflex was. The doctor didn't really explain what it was other than how her eyes respond to light. He mentioned that a lot of parents notice it when they take flash pictures, one eye looks more red than the other or looks white. I take tons of pictures of Dyl and have never noticed anything. He said it was slight and tried to downplay it. Google/the internet in general is both a gift and a curse. As soon as I started searching I saw that it could be nothing, a cataract, or cancer. That freaked me out so I started calling the opthamologists on the list he gave me.
Dyl has her appointment on Jan 17, I made it yesterday. They scared me even more by saying we have one appt at 7:00 on Wednesday, are you sure you want to wait until the following Monday (like it was 20 years from now). The Scottish Rite hospital where the office is is (I always feel weird typing is is) at least an hour from home. Doing that for a 7:00 appt going into Atlanta is not a good idea. So I stuck with Wednesday even though I'm going to be stressed until then.
Oh, I also took like 50 pictures of Dyl with the camera right in her face. I told one of my friends what I was doing and she asked if I noticed anything in her eyes. I told her I saw anger, lots of anger from having the camera that close to her face. Keep us in your prayers.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Growling
Recently (like last night) I had a conversation with another mom. She's married and has two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Her child goes to daycare/preschool with my daughter. She and I speak in passing most days as her daughter is in Dyl's class. Yesterday we had an opportunity to have an actual conversation since we were waiting for someone to come to the front desk so we could pay our weekly tuition. I'm never sure how to respond to what appears to be an underhanded compliment, so I usually just deadpan and look at the person to see if they feel as uncomfortable as I do.
She mentioned how adorable Dylan's new coat and hat are. I said thanks. She asked where they were purchased. I said Nordstrom. Here's my (least) favorite part- she asked if I purchased them there or if someone else had and given it to me as a gift. After a long pause I told her that I purchased them. I think she realized that her question was inappropriate so to correct her mistake she just stuck it in even further by saying she knew I was a single mother and that there were some great second hand stores in and around our area that she often donates to and she didn't know if I had gotten the coat there as they have lots of great stuff at a good price. Blank stare again. Luckily the director came out of her office where she had been on the phone and processed our payments giving both of us an out in this conversation.
It wasn't until I got home that I became really upset about this conversation. I realize that Dyl will miss out on some experiences because her father is not in our home. She's the only child in her class that doesn't have a two parent home. And try as I may, I cannot force him to play a more active role in her life. But I also know that there is no shortage of love for Dyl at our house. In addition to me bending over backward so that she can have everything she needs and most everything she wants, my parents sacrifice for her on a daily basis. By sacrifice I don't mean monetarily, I mean they make Dyl a top priority just like I do. When it is father-daughter day at preschool, my dad will take off of work to make sure that he's there. Where there is a school function one or both of my parents are there in addition to me being there. When I was finishing my last semester of law school in Arkansas, my parents told me to let Dyl stay in their home in Georgia so that she could stay in her daycare and even though I was gone they wanted her routine to stay as normal as possible. Everyday my father asks Dyl if she wants a surprise, well almost everyday and she tells him she wants something pink. He stops at the store every single time she asks for a pink surpriseto make sure she gets one.
The statistics for children from single parent homes can be bleak. Those children can be underachievers in school, they are more likely to not graduate from high school, let alone college, and most scary of all they are more likely to become single parents. I considered all of these things while I was pregnant and Dyl's dad and I split up. But I also know that I can set a positive example for her. I'm not an underachiever- I have a BA, MA and JD. My parents both have post graduate degrees and at the end of the day being raised in a home with just me full of happiness would be better than being raised in a home with two parents and resentment. And to see an example of a working and loving relationship she sees her grandparents on a daily basis.
I know I'm rambling but I guess the point of this is that love doesn't require a mom and a dad in the home. I know that Dyl's dad loves her and she does too. She knows that I love her and she knows that my parents love her. Right now at the tender age of three, that's all she needs. That and a pink surprise on a semi-daily basis.
She mentioned how adorable Dylan's new coat and hat are. I said thanks. She asked where they were purchased. I said Nordstrom. Here's my (least) favorite part- she asked if I purchased them there or if someone else had and given it to me as a gift. After a long pause I told her that I purchased them. I think she realized that her question was inappropriate so to correct her mistake she just stuck it in even further by saying she knew I was a single mother and that there were some great second hand stores in and around our area that she often donates to and she didn't know if I had gotten the coat there as they have lots of great stuff at a good price. Blank stare again. Luckily the director came out of her office where she had been on the phone and processed our payments giving both of us an out in this conversation.
It wasn't until I got home that I became really upset about this conversation. I realize that Dyl will miss out on some experiences because her father is not in our home. She's the only child in her class that doesn't have a two parent home. And try as I may, I cannot force him to play a more active role in her life. But I also know that there is no shortage of love for Dyl at our house. In addition to me bending over backward so that she can have everything she needs and most everything she wants, my parents sacrifice for her on a daily basis. By sacrifice I don't mean monetarily, I mean they make Dyl a top priority just like I do. When it is father-daughter day at preschool, my dad will take off of work to make sure that he's there. Where there is a school function one or both of my parents are there in addition to me being there. When I was finishing my last semester of law school in Arkansas, my parents told me to let Dyl stay in their home in Georgia so that she could stay in her daycare and even though I was gone they wanted her routine to stay as normal as possible. Everyday my father asks Dyl if she wants a surprise, well almost everyday and she tells him she wants something pink. He stops at the store every single time she asks for a pink surpriseto make sure she gets one.
The statistics for children from single parent homes can be bleak. Those children can be underachievers in school, they are more likely to not graduate from high school, let alone college, and most scary of all they are more likely to become single parents. I considered all of these things while I was pregnant and Dyl's dad and I split up. But I also know that I can set a positive example for her. I'm not an underachiever- I have a BA, MA and JD. My parents both have post graduate degrees and at the end of the day being raised in a home with just me full of happiness would be better than being raised in a home with two parents and resentment. And to see an example of a working and loving relationship she sees her grandparents on a daily basis.
I know I'm rambling but I guess the point of this is that love doesn't require a mom and a dad in the home. I know that Dyl's dad loves her and she does too. She knows that I love her and she knows that my parents love her. Right now at the tender age of three, that's all she needs. That and a pink surprise on a semi-daily basis.
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