Growling

Recently (like last night) I had a conversation with another mom. She's married and has two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Her child goes to daycare/preschool with my daughter. She and I speak in passing most days as her daughter is in Dyl's class. Yesterday we had an opportunity to have an actual conversation since we were waiting for someone to come to the front desk so we could pay our weekly tuition. I'm never sure how to respond to what appears to be an underhanded compliment, so I usually just deadpan and look at the person to see if they feel as uncomfortable as I do.

She mentioned how adorable Dylan's new coat and hat are. I said thanks. She asked where they were purchased. I said Nordstrom. Here's my (least) favorite part- she asked if I purchased them there or if someone else had and given it to me as a gift. After a long pause I told her that I purchased them. I think she realized that her question was inappropriate so to correct her mistake she just stuck it in even further by saying she knew I was a single mother and that there were some great second hand stores in and around our area that she often donates to and she didn't know if I had gotten the coat there as they have lots of great stuff at a good price. Blank stare again. Luckily the director came out of her office where she had been on the phone and processed our payments giving both of us an out in this conversation.

It wasn't until I got home that I became really upset about this conversation. I realize that Dyl will miss out on some experiences because her father is not in our home. She's the only child in her class that doesn't have a two parent home. And try as I may, I cannot force him to play a more active role in her life. But I also know that there is no shortage of love for Dyl at our house. In addition to me bending over backward so that she can have everything she needs and most everything she wants, my parents sacrifice for her on a daily basis. By sacrifice I don't mean monetarily, I mean they make Dyl a top priority just like I do. When it is father-daughter day at preschool, my dad will take off of work to make sure that he's there. Where there is a school function one or both of my parents are there in addition to me being there. When I was finishing my last semester of law school in Arkansas, my parents told me to let Dyl stay in their home in Georgia so that she could stay in her daycare and even though I was gone they wanted her routine to stay as normal as possible. Everyday my father asks Dyl if she wants a surprise, well almost everyday and she tells him she wants something pink. He stops at the store every single time she asks for a pink surpriseto make sure she gets one.

The statistics for children from single parent homes can be bleak. Those children can be underachievers in school, they are more likely to not graduate from high school, let alone college, and most scary of all they are more likely to become single parents. I considered all of these things while I was pregnant and Dyl's dad and I split up. But I also know that I can set a positive example for her. I'm not an underachiever- I have a BA, MA and JD. My parents both have post graduate degrees and at the end of the day being raised in a home with just me full of happiness would be better than being raised in a home with two parents and resentment. And to see an example of a working and loving relationship she sees her grandparents on a daily basis.

I know I'm rambling but I guess the point of this is that love doesn't require a mom and a dad in the home. I know that Dyl's dad loves her and she does too. She knows that I love her and she knows that my parents love her. Right now at the tender age of three, that's all she needs. That and a pink surprise on a semi-daily basis.